It Makes Sense Now...

With so much change I've experienced this past year, I'm finally starting to get back to some level of balance.  I love balance, everything in balance means everything is good.  I realize that through it all I always found myself chasing happy. I was constantly looking for happy in anything i could find.  If one activity didn't make me happy, I'd go looking for another activity. It got to the point where the result was being over shadowed by the search.

We spend so much of our time "looking" for something or someone to make us happy and now more then ever I fully understand that when you stop "looking" for happy, you can find it.  It pretty much applies to anything, once you stop looking for it, you are able to find it.  Your mind stops being overwhelmed by the energy used in the search for it, that its finally able to see it right there in your face.

I'm a pretty flexible person, I know how to go with the flow in most cases.  When life starts flowing through unknown jungles and over strange landscapes though, it gets a bit more challenging to just go with the flow.  I find myself in strange territory, having to find a new way to do things or having to learn how to wait and let things resolve themselves or get to a point where I can see the path.  In that process I finally stopped looking.  I stopped looking and just started enjoying all of the moments of happiness that came my way.  Once I stopped pouring energy into the actual pursuit of happiness, i was able to put more energy into actually "being" happy.  Granted I had a bit of help with the mental clarity, but besides that, I finally saw and understood the meaning of "not looking." 

So it kinda boils down to a simple point. All the times my mother and others gave me the advice to "stop looking," they were absolutely right.  But no one can talk you into doing it. They can advise it, and suggest it and point out the benefits of doing it till they're blue in the face. Until you decide to stop, you will never understand the power of it.  Until you make up your mind that you will no longer compare the people you meet to the image of a mate you have in your head you will always be looking for happy.  Until you are able to drop your description of happy and just explore what makes you actually FEEL happy, you will always be stuck in the search.  I have stopped the search and began the enjoyment.  I am not just being happy, I Feel happy.  I am now able to release all of the happy that I've always had inside me. And I owe it all to the power of stopping.

I stopped looking for happy and happy happened.  If I, with my most intimidating level of stubbornness, can do it, then I know for a fact ANYBODY can do it.  So Just Do It already!

Friends Vs Acquaintences......

Okay so today I am of two minds so its going to result in a double post.  I guess I could just post two separate blogs and I still might, but for now I will continue as if this will just be one long post.

So I was contemplating friendships and what makes a tried and tested friend.  I know some friendships forged in a stressful situation can create a bond that endures time. I know some friendships are just a mere result of knowing someone since you were kids.  But when is a person a friend and not just an acquaintance?  I know the dictionary definitions of each but in a real world application, what is the difference. 

To me its a matter of, an acquaintance is someone you know.  They might be someone you see frequently, you know their name and maybe had a conversation or two with them and talked about family and work and the weather.  They're not a stranger, you are "acquainted" with them. You know them. Most coworkers are acquaintences.  Most neighbors are acquaintences.  But they aren't "friends". They're just people we see and are around often enough to be familiar with who they are and what they do.  Even if you see them everyday and talk to them everyday, maybe even share a drink or two with them, they are merely acquaintences. They aren't the first name that comes to mind when you need to be bailed out or picked up or saved from a bad date. And you don't confide your inner most secrets to them. They are merely people we know and encounter on a regular basis.

A friend is someone who has risen above the level of mere acquaintence. A friend is someone you think about even when you're not around them. You remember fun times shared and/or funny things said, you look forward to hanging out with them again.  These are people who you've shared a substantial amount of time with. People who know things about you. Maybe you've known them for years or grew up with them.  A friend is someone you know and they know you.  You've been through trials and hard times, maybe shared a sad moment or two. you listen to each other and confide in each other.  Friends know the best and worst of you and they keep coming back for more.  Friends are more then just an acquaintence, they are close

Now we could split hairs about close friends and best friends, good friends and great friends, but I'm not trying to define the differences in those. In fact, I'm not sure what the purpose of this comparison is. What I do know is that not everyone we consider a friend is truly a friend, some are just acquaintences.  We treat our acquaintences like friends and then we wonder why our business gets spread around in the streets.  Its not up to people to tell us which category they are in, its up to us to put them in their correct place.  Good friends will stick by you no matter what you do, they know you for who you are and they let you be you.  Real friends can tell you about yourself and, though you might not like it, you will listen and take it to heart. 

Just because someone is a friend doesn't mean they are exempt from ever hurting us.  Friends are still human and they still possess the ability to hurt our feelings and/or hurt us physically.  The difference is, when an acquaintence hurts our feelings, we get pissed and angry and tend to be unforgiving.  When a friend does this, we may be hurt but we forgive them because they've earned it. 

I always say the best couples are made up of 2 best friends.  Once you have a foundation of true friendship, the sky is the limit to what can happen.  We don't have as many friends as we think, we usually only have a few true friends, and the rest are merely close acquaintences.  You know a true friend when you have them.  They're the first name you think of when you wanna share something special or when you need a shoulder.  Its hard to find true friends, but its even harder to be one.  You have to be willing to see a person's faults and short coming and accept them through it all.  You have to be ready to put your personal feelings and opinions aside and listen to them when they share their pains and frustrations.  You've got to be ready to share your true opinions when asked for them and be willing to open up when needed.

Its very difficult to find a good and true friend.  You'll go through a lot of failures and let downs before you find one that really fits the role.  If an acquaintence steps on your toes, they have to work to get back in your good graces and convince you they're worthy.  When a friend steps on your toes, you actually look for a reason to forgive them.  Our friends help make us who we are because we pick our friends based on our likes and dislikes. Friends will lift us up, an acquaintence can bring us down.

I try to be the best friend I can possibly be.  Sometimes i stretch myself thin, but i justify it by remembering who i'm doing it for.  I find it harder to push myself simply for the things I want, but when its to help a friend, theres an added incentive.  I value my friends for various reasons.  I find value in everyone I consider a friend.  I have been guilty of making a friend out of acquaintences, and I know the perils of doing such a thing.  It can be a very painful experience to make a friend out of an acquaintence and realize your mistake the hard way.  For my friends I say I do what I can when I can.  I sincerely believe that we enrich our own lives when we enrich the lives of our friends.  I'm not that great, but I do give my all for the people I care about.  Unconditional friendship may be a pipe dream, but I will continue to dream it and strive for it.  I don't wanna change my friends unless they are seeking change themselves.  Then I can help them get the change they seek.  All in all, i just want friends who know how to be friends like I do.


Okay so that first half ran a lot longer then I anticipated.  I think I'll just post this one and post the next one as a separate blog.

Thank you for taking the time to bathe in my spillover thoughts.

So much to say

I honestly and truly have so much to say, but i am not in a position to formulate my words in a coherent pattern as to convey what is truly perplexing my mind and occupying my thoughts.  The path with no footprints, is the path i find myself traveling.  Unchartered territory. I must say this road seems pretty damn fascinating so far.

To be continued...

It is what it is...

We spend so much of our lives trying to understand things.  So many things happen and we spend countless hours trying to figure out why, and what caused it, and what we could have done different.  Sometimes we just need to take a step back and realize that shit happens and it is what it is.

I am probably one of the most guilty of us all for trying to figure out the whys of everything.  I like to get to the bottom of things and understand what really happened.  I know i dig deeper and deeper trying to get the true "understanding" of any given situation.  But even I, yes I, need to step back and just accept things for what they are.  Not everything in this lifetime needs to be understood to the fullest. Some things are just gonna to happen to us and we're going to have to find a way to deal with it and move on.  That's what life is all about, learning to accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.

I know my limitations.  I may not always be willing to accept them, but at least i recognize them and I know when I'm pushing myself beyond my limits. I'm learning that some people have no idea what their limitations are and they consistently push themselves beyond their limits and then get upset with themselves for not being able to rise to the occasion.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  The hardest person to ask for forgiveness is yourself.  We are our own worst critiques in the worst way.  We see our own flaws like a neon light and we downplay our assets.  I realize that true friends come in handy not just for accepting us with all our faults, but for reminding us of our greatness.  Learn to listen to your true friends like you listen to your instincts.