So Clear Yet So Complicated...

So i have finally accepted the fact that my brain is not normal. I can see things so clearly at times and yet everything feels so complicated.  you ever have those moments of clarity where you think about something and you just see it so perfectly and you understand it and there's no confusion at all. But as soon as you try to put those thoughts into actions, it becomes so complicated that you don't know where to begin.

Life isn't really that complicated, we live and let live. we either accept people as they are or we let them keep moving.  too many times we allow people into our lives that don't do a damn thing to enhance it but we hold on to them and we keep them around, why is that?  I don't want anyone in my life that doesn't bring something positive to the table. I have plenty of negative, i don't need anybody else adding to it. That's not to say i'm a fair weather friend, if my friends have problems i will always be there to help in any way i can, that's me bring something positive to their lives. I want people around me like that. People who are comfortable enough with themselves that they don't have a problem being there for me when i need them. 

We make it harder then it has to be when we start looking at people as how we think they should be versus how they really are.  I was listening to the news this morning while getting dressed for work and Raul was talking to 2 women about why people settle in relationships.  One of the things she said rang so loud and true to me that i am still thinking about it more then 5 hours later.  She said we need to stop falling in love with peoples potential and learn to accept who they're showing us right now.  No truer words ever spoken. 

Too often we meet someone and we learn a little about them and all of a sudden we can see how great they could be or might be and we fall head over heels in love with the "Possibility" and we ignore the REALITY.  I often tell people i meet that i'm not half the man i  know i'm capable of being but i'm working on it.   I don't want anyone falling in love with my potential, thats pressure that i don't need, see me for who I am right here right now flaws and all. The good, the bad the ugly and the down right scary.  If you can see me for the person i am today and you can handle that, then maybe you have what it takes to stick around.  Those are the people I will call Friends. Once you have that true solid foundation, that base of 100% open and acceptance, Then the possibilities are endless....

Late at Night

Its late, I'm tired, but I seem to have so much on my mind.  Why does it seem like all the intense heavy thoughts seem to come late at night when I'm trying to go to sleep.  My body is tired, my brain is on over drive. I blame the full moon.  There's just something about a full moon night that makes everything change for a day or two. I just don't see how people say the moon has no affect on the human body.  I for one beg to differ...check that I ain't begging for shit.  I ain't too proud to beg, I just don't feel like doing it.

Okay, I know there's a ton more I want to say, but for some reason I am unable to organize my thoughts well enough to form legible sentences.  So this will be a short one.

I Feel Therefore I Vent...

Its not often I complain, well out loud anyway.  I've always been the type of person to keep my problems to myself and deal with them on my own, internally.  I've recently been learning that there is a unmeasurable value in having a friend or 2 or 3 that accept you for who you are 100%. That kind of friend you can talk to about any and everything and they will understand you when you need understanding, educate you when you feel dumb and console you when you hurt. 

However, I am noticing that there is one need that most people aren't capable of that I believe is the most important of all.  A true friend isn't just capable of crying with you, and hurting with you, and laughing with and at you, and getting angry with you.  A truly special friend will sit and listen to you and hear your every word, understand exactly what you mean and feel and when its appropriate, they feel comfortable looking you in your eyes and telling you to get your head out of your ass and suck it up.

Its so damn hard to find that one friend that knows how to tell you to stop being a chickenshit and go do what needs to be done or to get off your ass and suck it up and get the job done.  We are so busy trying to heal and console each other that we tend to forget about the need for tough love.  The art of tough love seems to be a lost art. The ability to constructively and loving tell someone when they're being a total idiot and they need to check themselves before they get checked.  I know i'm not always right, as rare as it is, i too can be wrong. but there's a difference in just being called wrong because you disagree with me and pointing out specifically where and how wrong i am.  To be able to sit down and look at me and say man, if you don't shut the hell up with that nonsense and quit pretending like you don't know whats going on, i will personally kick your big ass. 

I'd love to have someone know me well enough and I trust them enough for them to be able to sit me down and shut me up when i needed it most.  I stand by my self assessment, I could be greater then anything i ever imagined myself to be, if I could just get out of my own damn way.  One day I hope to trust someone enough and they trust me enough to be able to show me true tough love when I truly need it.

Am I Wrong...

Ok so I am big on respecting the rights of the individual. I am all for letting people be whoever they wanna be and do what ever they feel is best for them.  I am not a fan of forcing my thoughts and beliefs on anyone nor am I a fan of having anyone else force their thoughts and beliefs on me.  That being said, I do have a pet peeve that I refuse to back away from.

I really need help understanding why people do the things they do.  Smokers have a right to smoke, non smokers have a right to not be forced to endure the smoke.  So i'm driving in to work today, its foggy and there's tons of traffic, and i get stuck behind this blonde chic in her white prelude.  The only reason she stands out to me is because the whole time i'm stuck behind her, she's got her lit cigarette hanging out the window. On any other day this is not a problem, but in stop and go traffic when i don't have the room or option to get around her car, it sucks majorly to be forced to smoke her cigarette with her.  And can someone tell me why in the world if you're smoking in your car do you bother to hang it out the window? Isn't that counter productive? if its smoke you want, why not roll the window up and keep it all to yourself.  I do not enjoy being forced into suffering through your smoking habits. I mean really, was hanging it out the window going to prevent you from smelling like smoke, NO.  Was it gonna make your breath smell any less worse? NO.  All it accomplishes is pissing off the unfortunate driver behind you who doesn't smoke. 

Thank God i didn't have my children in the car with me and have them be subjected to that mess.  We often complain and wonder why the government makes so many intrusive rules and regulations that control what we do when we wanna do it.  Well i for one might not have a problem with a rule that punishes people from forcing others to endure their smoke.  For the first time in a very, very, very long time i actually considered the benefits of road rage.  Keep the damn cigarette in the car with you or put it out. Show a little consideration for those people who are not actively seeking cancer.

Ok so its been a while and a lot has changed so I'm still updating all of my configurations. This update is sent via my blackberry. Just a test.

I'm Baaaaacccckkkk!

Ok so its been a while. ok so its been a long while since I last posted anything new. What can i say, it's been a wild ride. I would think someone like me who likes to talk and always has something to say would definitely stay up to date with their blog, but it appears that i'm not as quick to share my thoughts as i thought i was. That being said, i've recently read a few blogs of friends and it has really encouraged me to pick up the pace. So let this be my return party, I will do my best to stay on top of things. I won't promise to always make sense or even be relevant, but i will talk, and i will talk a lot.

Life has many ups and downs and paths that we can take. I've found myself at many many forks in the road, sometimes i've taken the psycho path(thank you Eminem for the line), sometimes i've taken the safe route. Right now i seem to be on a gravel road with lots of shrubbery and weeds on it. There are no foot prints or trails for me to follow on this path except the ones i am leaving. Ive never been down this road before but i'm finding it quite fascinating. I think i shall travel it further and see what i can find.

So on the strength of a beautiful Humpday i leave you smiling and happy and hoping you want more cause there's more to come.