When in doubt, just sign out

Okay so i've been trying to find the time to update you on my so called life. To be honest(which i promised i would be) I have the time, and the ability to update more often, but believe it or not, i am having a hard time finding the words to write. Funny too, cause i fancy myself a writer.

I recently spent some quality time reading a friends blog. Read it from beginning to end, or in the case of this site, from end to beginning. Fascinating. I totally and completely enjoyed learning what i gleamed from her writing. She actually inspired me to update my own damn blog. But if nothing else, at least here i am.

I've never really been one to share my thoughts so openly and freely. Usually i just sit down in my quiet place and compose a few paragraphs that speak on how i'm feeling and call it poetry. It's never seemed like much to me and it's never really gone anywhere, so I haven't spent much time on it. I don't seem to have the inspiration like i used to have. Funny how that works. I'm kicking around the idea of starting a new blog dedicated to my past, present and future poetic endeavors. For obvious reasons, if you've read any of the earlier posts, i will not be attaching it to this blog. More then likely, to preserve my way of life as it currently is, i will disguise my poetry blog to ensure that it in no way can be connected to this one. That way i can share my poetry and try to get my creative juices flowing again and still rant and rave on life as i see it.

This won't be a very long update, i'm not in a position to spend a lot of time writing. If the time stamp is saved with the actual time of creation, you'll be able to see that i am up pretty late composing this little diatribe. That being said, i think i will go take my shower now and try to get at least 3 hours of sleep before the morning wakes me with it's screaming and yelling to get up.

Thank you for taking the time to get wet in my spill over thoughts.

Random Thoughts

so the fire storm has passed and life goes on. not sure that things are all that much better, but we stared down the heart of the fire and we won. no i didn't run, but i did pack up and get ready to. in the end, we stayed our ground and we came out on top.

that being said, i deviate from the natural course of this post and instead i focus on a topic that is near and dear to my heart. i love my wife with all my heart. my marriage is paramount to me. that being said, i am growing tired of feeling like the only one who is putting in 100%.
it's not that i feel like she's given up, but i do feel like i'm the one making the adjustments and bending over backwards to make it work. there's only so much a person can do before they start to feel like it's all in vain.
i'm not there yet, but i am to the point where i feel like why do i bother. nothing i do is enough and nothing i do ever satisfies her. so what now.

truth be told, i am probably beating my head against a brick wall. but no one is going to tell me i'm right. even if i'm completely right in my assessment, no one is going to agree with me cause my opinion isn't the mainstream opinion.

i live to love and i love to live. i am finding it hard to love the life i'm living cause i am not living the way that i love.

i love fancy shoes and capes. i love how they make me feel. i shouldn't be loving capes and fancy shoes, but i do. unconditionally. so that means to me that no matter what becomes of my cape and fancy shoes, as long as they're happy, i am living the life of love.

thank you super girl for showing me it's okay to be me and sacrifice my own personal happiness for the happiness of others. if you can do it, i can do it too.
as long as you keep living your life for the happiness of others, i'll keep doing the same.

super girl with her cape and fancy shoes is the center of my reality.

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So here I am

Please don't be expecting anything fancy here. just some plain old fashioned mental dumping. If at some point you get the feeling that i'm being a bit vague, then you've finally figured me out.
I'm sure I'll be posting some rants & raves, as well as some personal tid bits about myself. Feel free to add yoiur two cents when you feel duly motivated. It wont make bit of a difference to my opinion, but at least you'll get an opportunity to speak.

I wont even pretend that I will keep tis up with any regularity. And I cant promise that I wont use this forum to shamelessly parade my poetry as I see fit. You may recognize it, you may not, I don't care. I'm actually posting for myself, not for you, so if you enjoy it bully for you,if you don't, who gives a rats a@@.

Right now i'm making plans to evacuate my home in case the fire comes down the mountain and jumps the road. I have an escape route planned, its just the whole idea of having to leave my home and not know if it dodges the bullet.it sucks and i don't wanna do it. so (i'm officially tired of good grammer no more caps) what doi do, i pack up my shit and i wait till the last possible moment. yes i'm one of those people. bite me. i plan to ride this thing out till the bitter end.
oh look, the fire is topping the hill and trying to come over, but i'm going to will it to stay back. now witness the true power of mind over matter.

i refuse to give in to the terrorist ways of mother nature. and i wont be giving in that easy. now back the fuck up and leave my spring valley alone, so says me!!!!!!
i will not be bullied by mere fire alone, so what